NOTE: I typed this up one late night some months ago, ive held back actually posting it for some unknown reason but i decided to just do it. Anyway, the grammer / spelling is dodgy… it just came out during one of my ‘i feel like typing’ sessions. Enjoy….
I got to thinking the other day about what experiences in the past few years have really shaped who i am and how i view the world.
There are a lot of small events that overall in some way affect the way i am, but there only a few BIG events which have made large impacts on the person i have become.
I decided to sit and write down these events for future reference, im not sure exactly why, but i just feel its necessary. So here goes. Sit back, relax, and come on a journey through the major events of the past 5 or so years of my life (theres only 3, but it could take a while).
The first experience is about a girl. When Oprah talks about someone giving someone else ‘their wings’, this girl in NO way did that. However, in a way id like to say that this girl gave me my balls – yep, gave me my balls.
Tisha, the 18yr old thai girl who surprised me by actually showing interest in me (which i later found out was ultimately due to her total lack of self worth and her extremely good radar at finding guys to suck dry) . I met Tisha while working at the uni. She seemed like a normal kind of girl, good looking and confidant. We hit things off pretty well, id help her with her uni stuff as part of my job – things were good.
Tisha ended up being my first ‘real’ girlfriend, i figure she saw my inexperience and decided to use it to her advantage.
In the two years or so that i knew her, i went through a LOT of things that would forever change my life. The things are endless, and im not going to go into detail about them here. I did keep a journal thoughout it all which one day i may pull out and post on here. But until then, im going to compose a list of things that happened in that short 2 year period.
* Mood swings
* Problems with her and her mother
* Problems with her lack of self control
* Her Lack of self respect
* Whoring around with American soldiers
* Acting trashy
* Thinking she had to be a tart to gain respect
* Suicide attempts from overdosing on pills
* Suicide attempts with a knife
* etc … etc …. etc
These event, over a 2 year period, caused me to reach the lowest point i have ever reached in my life. I thought i loved this girl and i would have sworn that i could help her, but looking back now i was nieve and stupid – its that simple. The shit i went though in that time is somewhat hard to imagine and deal with even today, but its true that time heals all wounds. I think ive got my shit worked out from that but at times i think back and wonder if it was all a dream.
I wouldnt wish that sort of thing on my worst enemy and i often questioned what exactly i was meant to learn out of it all.
I often wonder what happened to her after i literally threw her out of the house, i sometimes wonder what i would say to her if i saw her again, and to be honest im not entirely sure.
All i know is that the point i reached in that relationship, the lowest point, is a place that i will never reach again. I know this for a fact, due to the lessons i learnt out of the whole ordeal.
So what is it i got out of it? Im a much stronger person now – mentally. I no longer take shit from people – no mind games, no silly business, no mucking around. Im also a far less patient person then i was before meeting her. Im not sure if this is a side effect of all the good things that ultimately came out of it or what, but at times i wish i was more patient – like i used to be.
I look at that whole experience as a time where i had to grow up and grow some balls – its that simple.
So yeah, she gave me my balls, by putting me through a heap of shit that no smart person at the time would ever stand for. Im much wiser now, much less nieve, much more ‘grown up’, and a lot less tolerant of people who play mind games and screw with people.
Moving right along…
The next thing would be the car accident my parents were involved in. Before this accident my parents were pretty much set. Both of them had good jobs that they liked, had educated and raised 3 children and were heading into the time of their lives where they are meant to sit back and coast.
Things were going good, until the night that a teenage ‘P’ plater drove like a maniac up and over a rise in a dirt road and ploughed head first into them. Now, youd think that the kid would get charged or somthing right? Wrong.. noone has been charged for it. Yup, noone has ever been charged for it and its got me stuffed why.
Anyway, i wont dwell on this. The outcome is that my parents lives were forever changed. My mum now has trouble even walking, she has a permanent limp, back problems, and an arm that doesnt work properly plus numerous other things. Dad faired better then mum but ended up with a buggered shoulder that now has limited mobility.
During the years after the accident, ive seen my mum and dad and family go through probably THE most traumatic and life changing event we will ever experience. To put it simply, the family i knew before the accident no longer exists, everyone has been changed by it. Id like to think that theres a reason for everything, and everything turns out right in the end, but at times i wonder what could be the outcome of somthing like this.
I cant speak for anyone else, but for me personally it tough watching your parents go through somthing like that. Its even tougher to see it still affecting them years later. The devil in me also finds it hard to fathom how the young fella that plouged into them and walked away unhurt lives with himself.
Looking on the bright side – an experience like this does make me realise how irrelevant most of my problems are in comparison. I also see the strength and courage that my parents continue to show after everything that happened. I couldnt of imagined anything like this happening, but now that it does i have a kind of calming feeling that nothing else that is thrown at us can do anything worse. I guess thats what it comes down to… another of lifes ‘little’ lessons dealt out in a way that we have no other option but to learn… Things are looking up though…
The most recent major experience comes in a small package. Small in size but tall in kindness and understanding and caring. Yup, ‘the one’ that has her own category on this blog, Melanie. I met her around the time when i wasnt looking for a girlfriend or anything, just going about my life doing my own thing.
We first met in the honours room at uni. I had jsut enrolled to do my PHD part time and had been assigned a work space. Turns out that the space was double booked and she got it first, but thats cool cause i ended up with the windwo seat 
Im not going to go into detail about all that, all you need to know is that she has shown me what a ‘relationship’ really is, what a ‘real’ relationship is about. None of the crazy psycho stuff, none of the guilt trips or silly minds games that i experienced in the past.
She has one of the gentlest and kindest people ive ever known. She genuinlly cares about people and goes out of her way to do nice things for them. She does nice things for me for no real reason and expects nothing in return. She is tolerant and patient, and puts up with me spending long hours in front of my computer programming or fiddling or even playing a game.
She doesnt compain (much 
) and I have never seen her get mad and lash out or do something stupid. I learn new things about kindness and understanding each day im around her and to be honest i probably dont express how much i really appreciate her that well.
Her pressence has given me faith in females again, and in a way has healed the little part of my heart that got damaged in the past.
I could go on and on, but i guess all i really need to say is that she has changed me for the good in more ways then i can express, and continues to do so every day im around her. Its through her that im starting to understand and learn what ‘being in love’ means, not just in a ‘floating on clouds being happy’ level but also on a ‘daily life’ level – if you know what i mean.
So yeah, Thanks Melanie – I love you very much! *smooch*
And that people, is the end. Three experiences that have shaped who i am. Some in good and some in bad, but all coming together to make me who i am today. It would be silly of me to think of ‘what if’ scenarios, or even try to answer a question like ‘would i change anything’, but to be honest i dont think i would. I have, i guess, a kind of faith in everything being how its meant to be and everything happening for a reason. From my small life expereicnes so far ive got some kind of understanding that things turn out alright in the end. Lifes full of lessons, its all about taking lessons and learning and moving on.
Its life – i guess thats what makes it so exciting….
